one time i got a papercut on my face from a whole foods bag
i’ve had a carton of orange juice every weekday for the last two weeks. there have been three sick people around me.
summer cold ain’t gettin me this year.
maria shriver looks like if keri russell saw something awful and never forgot it
the problem with flying too close to the sun with self tanners is that you literally look like you flew too close to the sun
nothing like anxiety over a three week-old mistake you didn’t know you were making on a monday night
it’s a cruel fact of life that idiot men wearing sunglasses on the subway (??) still radiate confidence and sex appeal.
I’ve laundered, I’ve sanitized, now all that’s left is to pray I don’t get hand warts